Scared

I am in a weird mood today. On the one excited about the new things going on in my life. The going back to work, starting my business, the IRO [that is when a company helps you get back to work and the government pays for it]. But on the other hand I now have to tell the UWV [government organ paying my disability money] what my plans are. And I am sooooo scared of them. My nightmare is to be left without any money. The what if... ghost is rearing it's ugly head. What if I don't find clients, what if I am physically not able to work and they take my money away, I would be left with nothing. And that scares me so much that it takes my breath away. What if I am not good enough at my new job....
On the other hand, I know this is what I want to do, and I am tired of sitting at home not doing anything usefull. I now have the skills to work and I think I can work at least a number of hours a week. I hope they will be reasonable and give me the time to start this and not take all my money away straight away.

I also want to stand in my power and take the initiative instead of waiting like a wet towel until they call me up again on their terms. I want to get out of this, they need to know something. I know this is the way, but my gut doesn't agree with me completely yet.

Of course my first phonecall to the UWV was a total disaster. The contactperson I had didn't work there anymore, they couldn't tell me who my new contactperson was and they are going to call me back tomorrow afternoon. Now don't panic, stay calm and stay in my power. think positive thoughts and positive things will come my way. I believe that, mostly.