my journey as a civil war novel writer

I am still doing it!!!! Not planning. Just doing what I feel like from moment to moment. Do I like it...... hmmmmmm not sure. Part of me does, part of me feels weird like I should be doing homework, read books etc. I am going on a trip tomorrow and haven't even packed or put things aside to go into the bag. And that is very rare for me. I do feel proud about that to be honest. Today I spend looking around internet for christmas prezzies, I like to get the best deals and will spend hours on that. Yup dutch! This afternoon will look for some more in town. Tomorrow going to the christmas fair at castle de haar. It is said to be very nice we want to be there when it gets dark. It is a fairytale castle anyway so that should be fun. Then in the evening going to Mel and Sven's in Belgium. Mel is coming to the fair! This weekend we will be going to a boardgame fair there. That is my other addiction next to books, boardgames! A very nice hobby because it is something you do with a grou...

I think I have made the decision about the lost files. It was touch, but I think I will go with the middle way. Clean what I have up a bit, pretty it up just a touch and then start! In january I want to ask friends if they know people who would like counseling/coaching knowing that I am only just starting out and of course they will get it at a discount rate. So I don't have to be perfect and can learn without feeling guilty about not being perfect. Also looking into more volunteer work to get experience. The promised reviews. Finished The Founding by Cynthia Harrod Eagles. I just found out it is the first volume of about thirty!!!! And the family sage spans many centuries. I picked this one up because it takes place around the wars of the roses time, one of my favorite time periods. It was written in 1980, makes sense if there are 30 books following. I liked it but I am not wild about it. There were too many characters in the book, about three generations. The action moved a bit t...

I don't know what to feel. Because of the painkillers [I think] I felt completely hyper today, so much energy that I needed to create, create and be busy!!!!!!! I had nearly finished the treatment plans and done an hour's work earlier. I don't know what I did wrong but somehow I saved the 4 new pages as the document instead of all 77 pages. What is worse I also backed it up to my external HD this way. I have now lost what I have been working on the last 6 weeks in one go. [I have the rough draft so the work is not gone that bleep.] But I had put things in my own words, organised it etc so it looked perfect. Yeah I know. I am devestated. And before saturday I would only be devastated. But at the studyday it came up that i over prepare. So right now I am not sure what I will do. Take a deep breath and start over and get completely stressed as I will never make my deadline of the 15th of december. Reorganize what I have a little bit but not do all the work again. Leave it like...

Yesterday was not a good day painwise. I am still in a lot of trouble over the dentist visit. Yesterday was really bad, I could barely hold anything and could not write at all. Not good timing on a study day and I started there by dropping my tea cup breaking it in pieces and crying about it. Pfffffff. Well I went home early because I was doped on painkilles and they were not doing much good anymore. Had another good cry at home and feeling unbalanced and sorry for myself. I d id not fee l focussed enough to grab a good book so selected a weepy movie. Braveheart! luckily I can still watch it and enjoy it despite not liking Mel Gibson much anymore for his views. Usually when this happens to me with an actor I cannot watch the movies anymore either. So I am glad I can still see this one as it is a good movie. Not historically correct at all, William Wallace did not look like a pict and the relationship in the movie does not do justice to Robert the Bruce. I do love the depiction of Edw...

I am a bit of a klutz. I had ordered and airbed without an inbuild pump because I am prob going camping next year. And those nasty tents don't have any electricity. Don't even get me started on them having no sanitary facilities. I am NOT a camping girl, but it will be for a good cause, will tell you more abou t tht at another time. Back to the airbed. I was going to pump it and see if it was intact. Now I did happen to find a very old pump. Of course it did not fit. By the time I fo und that out I had pushed it through the hole in the bed and it was stuck. Groan, in getting it out I broke the seal of the airbed. It still works, kinda... took me nearly half an hour to get enough air into it. But the seal that slows the flow of air when you want to close it broke off so that is a real bummer. I have to practice in being very fast in closing it to keep some air in it. Sigh. Last night I was watching the Dr. Phil show and the man really managed to piss me off s everely. Now I am ...

Tomorrow is dentist day, the first of three actually. I need crowns. {I hope that is the engli sh translation it is kronen in dutch} It will take three appointments, no idea what they are going to do. I only know that tomorrow will last about 90 minutes and I need to keep my mouth wide open all the time. Now that is the part I am not looking forward to. Going to the dentist is not my biggest hobby and keeping my mouth open that long is agony. The trouble with my muscl es starts in my neck and shoulder muscles and it can either go to my arms and hands, as it does most of the time but it can go to my head as well and give me terrible headaches. Well I can take it easy thursday and friday. But I have to be fit for studyday on saturday. Yesterday I watched the latest Sharpe: Sharpe's peril. It is really, really great, I watched both episodes in one go. It has the old action, a good story an d believable characters. I am so glad that Sean Bean is still willing to do them. It is the se...

First I would like feedback on this post!!! I did it!!!! This morning I went onto the motorway near my home in my own car for the first time in over ten years. I asked my dad to come along but he didn't even have to help. Well it was quiet but still. :) N ow the trick will be to try at slightly busier times. That said quiet times here are still not empty roads. I like in one of the most densy populated parts of the country and probably of Europe so there are always cars on the road. the part I would like feedback on is: How do you other people who hav e driven for years sit in a car. I find that I am hyper focussed on everything around me. Not when I drive in town and normal roads then I can relax but on the motorway I am very vigilant. Today for example there was a car in the dead corner of my car. I had seen it in the mirrors so I knew it was there and I waited before it had overtaken me before going to the other lane. But I keep thinking, you might have missed it, you might hav...

Yesterday I was too busy to blog. Nina was visiting again. I really love that little dog and I can spend hours playing with her and petting her, but I was exhausted after a day. :) Devil's brood arrived yesterday!!!!! A new Sharon Penman book is always cause for celebration! And I know I am going to enjoy it. This one is the third bo ok in the story of Henry II and Eleanor. It is such a great story, Eleanor was such a strong woman, married first to the king of france and then to the man who would become king of England. Outliving both her husband and nearly all her children. That must have been hard! And I love the setting that these novels take place. Chinon and Fontevrault in France. I was lucky enough to visit there a few years ago. Chinon is a ruin but we spend nearly a day there taking it in. And the abbey? One of the most beautifull things I ever saw. Like I said these books are special to me. I think I read Here be dragons first. I picked that up in I think 1987. And read...

Taking some time out this morning to w atch remembrance day for the first world war . Although my country was neutral during the war it has always interrested me. I t helps that I studied military history for a while. I h ave been in Verdun and to the fields in Flanders, the Menenpoort in Ieper with all the english names on the walls. It makes you pauze and think. A war to end all wars, and not 25 years later an even bigger, more horrible war errupted all over Europe and that time we did not manage to keep our neutrality. But for soldiers? I am not sure which one was worse. The second war was horrible for everyone, also civilians. In WW I civilians mostly suffered if they lived on or near battlefields but those soldiers. Image 4 years in those trenches, fighting for every centimeter. Dying for a piece of land and not seein g much difference. It was the war that first acknowlegde shell shock and was therefor important in psychiatry. If you ever want to read good books about that I rec...

Saturday was the wonderful realms meeting. There were 11 of us altogether. All women of course. Haven't run into a man yet who likes romance books. :) I enjoyed myself hugely. And that is a good thing. From my 25 until my 40 year I have mostly had male friends. Of course there have always been some good female friends, but the main part of my friends were male. That was because of the roleplaying I guess. That is still mainly a male world. And on holiday it is usually me and a bunch of guys. And I get on fine with them. Although it is not always a good feeling to be one of the guys. If you understand what I mean. Sometimes you want to be a woman. The last couple of years I have noticed that I am making a lot of new female friends and liking their company more then I did a while ago. So now my circle of friends is turning out more even, both male and female. I am not sure I would have enjoyed a meeting like saturday so much 5 years ago, and I certainly would not have admitted that I...

Just a quick post as I am getting ready to head out to the first Realms forum meeting. I am looking forward to it. It is not often you get to share time with people who read the same books you do. I have some friends who share my passion for SF or historical fiction and non-fiction. But for my romance books it is rare. And of course I have not been out of the closet long in admitting I like reading those books. To my surprise most people who enjoy it have a high education and like me like to read it as light reading in between studybooks or intensive jobs. Started part six of Laurell Hamilton's Merry Gentry, a lick of frost. I finished book 5 jus t in time yesterday so I can go straight on with the new one. Book 4 and 5 were no t the strongest in my view, the story was a bit weak, and I do like a good story and character development in my books. I have high hopes that number six is going to be better in that regard. In any case it will make for a few hours of nice light reading. ...

I can worry endlessly about money but today I have decided to give some to a good cause. The refugees in Congo. I am so afraid that it is going the same way as the genocide in Rwanda over ten years ago. And that the conflict will reach Rwanda again. This cause is closer to my heart then several others bec ause a good friend of mine is fr om Rwanda. To hear him talk about what happen ed to his family is heartwrenching and it shouldn't happen again. This time I hope the world will not wait and watch but act before it is too late. There isn't much I can do myself but give some money. For dutch people, look here: stichting vluchteling. Today I am going to take it easy, as tonight will be an intensive night. I think I have said before that in preparation for the practice I am following some more lessons and part of that is an intervisie group. Here we help each other with questions from our life and work that we need some help with. Tonight it is my turn to bring in a question. I...

Yesterday I visited my first ever crafts fair. I never call myself a creative person except for writing, although I did a lot of crafty things as a child. Practically now I don't have the patience to do crafts. People would say I have loads of time but I can't set myself to it. Of course most of them I would have to do in very small portions because of my hands, the same I do everything else. And that would be hard as well. Having to stop when you are in the flow. But the fair was fun! I was in good company with two good friends, Marjon and Susan. And I was only going for the fun. And fun we did have, loads of it. We only s a w about half of the stalls and didn't have time to do any workshops. I was good and didn't buy much. In the past I would have and on coming home would have dumped it in a corner and probably never have done anything with it later. I am getting better with my money. Only christmas is a danger zone and I did buy an ornament for christmas. Anything w...

First my faith in the banks has been restored a little bit. Earlier this year I had a lot of trouble with a checque that they cashed for me and keeping 45 euro in charges without telling me beforehand. Luckily I complained and met someone at the local bank who agreed with me. She couldn't do anything more but told me to write a complaint letter and she would back me. So I did not expecting to hear anything, especially as the bank, Fortis, got into a great deal of trouble in the mean time. But yesterday I received a phonecall saying the money has been returned, all of it!!!! Very nice with the h oliday season coming up. Today i s the day of the elections in the United States. But I think that it is of import to the whole world. You see that in the Netherlands, it has been about the onl y thing on the news for the last couple of weeks. Everybody is talking about it and the kids learn about it in school. And it IS important to the rest of the worl d. Look what 8 years of Bush has do...

I intend to talk more about politics tomorrow morning on the day of the american elecions itself. But last night I saw a very good documentary about the influence of tv and film on the elections. They stated that series as West wing, commander in chief, battlestar galactica and even the horrible 24 have helped people get used to seeing a black man or a woman as president. Funny how it works but I think they are right. When west wing introduces Mat Santos as the democratic candidate in the series in 2004 they were even looking at Obama. It is eerie to see how reality is fol lowing the series now. I finish ed some books this weekend. Another Anita Blake reread, obsidian butterfly. Not my favorite in the series. Not because the story is not good but I miss too many of the regular characters. Only Edward is in it of the re gular cast and therefor it was slow reading for me. Starting Narcissus in chains tonight. That will hold my interrest better. The whole cast is in it and that one intro...

I did what I said I would do today. I worked on the practice again. For the last couple of weeks I seemed paralized with doubt, fear and tiredness. I doubted everything about myself and as a result no work left my hands. But the last two weeks I have had some serious talks with myself and we are slowly getting back on track. The fear and doubt are still there but the small poem below has helped enormously. It is so true, at least for me. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerfull beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, Fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? By marianne Williamson. Used by Nelson Mandela during is inaugural adress in 1994 So here is the plan for the next two months. And again not set in stone, change is important to me and breaking rules. also I will have my intervision question for school on this subject next friday evenin...