Emotional see-saw

Yesterday I went back to the neurologist. I don't know what I expected but it certainly wasn't what I got. I was out again in five minutes. He is a nice enough man but I did not have the feeling that he was really listening. They keep insisting that the migraines are the worst part of my problem with the headache. While I think it is the tension headaches. And I think they are worse because of my muscle problems. I can have terrible tension headaches when I am calm and enjoying myself for the rest and not a care in the world. It doesn't fit their mold. So I am still not allowed to take painkillers, bleh! And they have given me topamax for the migraines. I have to take that day and it is supposed to stop the migraine attacks.

So far so good untill I got home read the instructions and started to nose around on the internet. Then I started to read about the side effects and the frequency of those side effects and I freaked. Completely!!!! I said I was not going to take them, panic, crying, blah, the whole works.

Today I have calmed down. I phoned the patients advice group and asked them for advice. They were pretty cool. They said to try it, if I get the side effects I will notice soon enough and then I can always stop. If not I can find out if it helps with the migraines and the other headaches if not at least we know that this is not the way to go about it. So I would gain information, and information is good. This way also I keep the reigns in my hands about what I am doing with my life. I will try it, but if I don't like what is happening, I make the decision to stop. Now that sounds pretty good.

Darn, it is hard to stay cool and collected all the time. So much is changing in my life. Officially starting the practice, dealing with the authorities over that, figuring out were to get my clients and money from and then this on top of it. After years of just studying and quiet days it is hard to adjust. But it is all part of the process, and if I am going to help people with chronic pain cope it is good that I am going through this because then I know what it is like and how tough little things can be to someone who has been out of the loop for so long. For now I try to see everything in a positive light, I keep the reigns of my life firmly in my hands, go it at MY pace, but keep moving forward!!!!

Comments

Charity said…
I am so sorry Mieke.
I can sympathise, as fibromialgia patient i am always misunderstood.
Doctors are so 'easy' about it, they always think they know it all and barely listen to you who is the expert here because it is happening to you!
It sounds like a good idea to try it out though, reading all the side effects never helps because all medicines have them and often.
If you look at the number of people who take them the percentage suddenly becomes less bad though.
Good luck and let's hope atleast it helps :-)
*Hugs* Marjon
gawain said…
Thank you! This kind of heavy medication is very new to me. And very ironic because I went to the clinic to get rid of a medicine addiction. They end up giving you heavier stuff???? Important for me is that I stay in control of my life and don't do things that I feel harm me. I am trying it out, and with a postitive idea. but also checking myself daily on how it affects me.

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