To publish or not to publish

So I finished the first draft of part of my novel. Now it comes to an important decision, am I writing only for myself or will I share it with others? 

I have had a hard time lately with stress and I don't deal too well with negativity at the moment. If I share it with others and they don't like it would that hurt too much at the moment?

And would people judge me for the subject of my story? A confederate general. Can we still write about his in these woke times? 

I see the viewing of history is becoming problematic. The taking down of statues in the US is one example. Also thinking about people from history with today's knowledge. We judge people by our current standards. And that is a problem.

Now I am not saying that there was not a problem in the 19th century. I am reading widely on the time period and I can't understand how one man can see another as inferior no better than an animal. Even then. That was wrong, insane. Slavery is insane. One person holding another in bondage. Thinking another man is different, less because of the colour of his skin. To me that is insane.

But were all those who lived in the South automatically bad people? That is a very loaded difficult question. With our knowledge today that answer would be yes. Looking at it with a 19th century lens that makes it a lot more difficult. Even then there were people who knew slavery was wrong and who fought against it. Those people unfortunately were rare. And they did not make their lives very easy.

It leaves a large group of people who condoned what was happening and do we blame them for it? It is not easy to be a hero, we all would hope that we will be heroes but will we when that means making our own lives a lot harder. I hope I would do the right thing when asked but can I be sure? No.

The subject of my book is a man who grew up on a plantation and lived with slaves. To my knowledge he never had any slaves of his own. 

He fought for the confederacy with all his heart.

But... he was one of the few who recognized that when the war was lost southern life would have to change.

A few years after the war he led soldiers [many of them black] against his own former comrades to uphold the new laws that made men equal.

It cost him everything. Ostracized by his own people the rest of his life would not be easy.

So part of me does want to publish my book about his man who never took the easy way out. Part of me is afraid of the controversy.  

Maybe I will sleep on it a bit longer and continue writing part 2.

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